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BDC News

Jan 17, 2017,
Question: I am a 26-year-old software engineer. I lost my dad 3 years ago due to cardiac arrest and I lost my younger brother 3 months ago in a bike accident, I am still in a state of shock. Both were my loved ones and I can’t get over this loss.

Recently, I got married. However, everyday there is a thought in my mind that I would lose my loved ones again and all sort of negative thoughts about whom would I lose next or when would I die takeover my mind. Same thing runs in my mind throughout the day, no matter how busy I am. I am unable to get rid of this thought. Even when I am traveling with my husband in a car, I am worried that we would meet with an accident and am even scared to leave my husband alone in the car while he drives to office. How do I get rid of these negative thoughts? – Anonymous

Answer by Dr Trupti Jayin: It’s difficult when a loved one passes over to the other side. It’s irreversible and so the pain seems irreplaceable. This reality cannot be altered but will have to be accepted. The question is how does one do this?

Let me guide you in seven steps, how we all can cope with such losses.

1. Blessings – Think of all the love and care that they gave you to make your life meaningful. This is always going to be with you as a blessing and never die. People leave for their onward journey but the value they added to your life stays with you. Feel blessed.

2. Remember – The wonderful times you have spent with your dad and brother which are alive in your memory. Remember how they encouraged you at every juncture of your life. What would they have told you at this moment? Maybe they said,” My love, remember we are there to protect you as we always did.”

3. Enactment – Sometimes when the fearful situation replays like a video over and over it looses its hold over the mind. So, in your mind once a day just replay your worst fear. You may feel anxious the first time, maybe fearful the second time but by the tenth time your mind will feel exhausted of the image and give it up. During this time control your breathing and make it slower and slower till the anxiety disappears. This is called desensitisation .

4. Assertiveness – Our mind needs positive energising thoughts. Do an exercise where while you are in the car you play some positive songs, motivating audios and better still sing along with your husband. When your husband is leaving for office give him a hug and a positive message for the day. If you reduce your discussion about your fear it will slowly occupy less of your mind space.

5. Tapping- Emotional Freedom Technique called EFT can help you. There are certain points on the face and hands which help in anxiety reduction. Let me share three points that you can tap.
First in the middle of your forehead.
Second on the left hand side of the chest, just above your heart called the sore point.
Third on the inner side of your palm called the karate chop point.
Tap the points with your two fingers (index and middle) together and say the affirmations.
“I allow myself to be relaxed when sitting in the car.”
“I am grateful for the presence of all my loved ones who guide me in my life.”
“I choose to experience joy every time I sit in the car.”
Tap 7 times at each point.
Read more on EFT and follow the directions on YouTube.

6. Hobbies – Develop interesting hobbies which enhance ones left brain activity. Doing crossword puzzles, word games, brain gym and VEDIC math. This will make you more balanced.

7. Easiness – Life is to be lived like a flowing river. Just like the river gathers whatever is there along with it to take it to the ocean, we all have to flow with whatever life has given us and move along till we reach our destination in this life.

The acronym BREATHE is what you must remember. Breathe deeply every time you feel anxious. Harmonise your breathing so that your body releases tension. You can do it while sitting in the car or when disturbing images of accidents come.

We all have to believe that those who die, just leave for another place where some day we will be going. They are preparing us to take that journey. No one dies, they never go away. They are always there in their astral from caring for us, feel their presence when you meditate them there is no place for fear.

– Dr Trupti Jayin is a celebrity clinical psychotherapist and spiritual life coach
Want expert advice for your relationship? Send us an email at expertadvice.toi@gmail.com

(This story has not been edited by BDC staff and is auto-generated from a syndicated feed from IANS.)

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